Well, hello there, folks!  I'm The Lylibean and I'd like to welcome you to The Five Year Plan.  Notice that I have used "The" in my title (with capitals, so you know it's very important!).  Because there is only one Lylibean.  And for Goodness' sake, thank you for that.

I have decided to record my next five years' journey
somewhere, so that I feel beholden to it.  Like there's someone else who will hold me responsible for what I do.  Not that I think anyone is interested in reading this crap.  But I'm grasping for anything that will help keep me on track for the next five years.  It's a big and popular question, "Where do you see yourself in five years?".  I've always had a chuckle at the "Doin' your wife" answer myself, but never had the ball to actually say it.  Honestly, I've never actually thought five years into the future, which is sad, considering I just turned 32 this past April.  But, give me some credit.  This is honestly the first time in my whole, entire live that I've felt like aspiring to the next five years would be worth the extra electrical impulse.

I said, some time ago, when I was married to a chap who was not a good pairing, "We'll never be any better than this!  We'll never have anything more than what we have now."  And I meant it.  Because the state of my existence at the moment was, well, less than satisfactory.  And I felt that I could never reach beyond that.  The only encouragement I really received was when someone was giving me an "atta boy" to keep my feeling from being hurt.  The bitch was, I never got that encouragement when I really deserved it.  And that holds me back to this day; I feel as though I am not worthy of accomplishment, and when I do (supposedly) achieve it, I don't believe the accolades.

And no, I'm not whining about it.  Yes, I know that there are other people in the world with much worse problems than I have, please don't start that diatribe.  Everyone has problems, I get it.  But, just for once, I wish that someone would care enough about my problems to help me with them.  I've realized in my 32 years thus far, that nobody gives a damn about my problems, and, despite always being there for other people when they have problems, nobody is ever willing to be there for me.  Except for me.

So I'm going to care about my problems.  I'm not going to focus on them.  A wise man once said, "Don't focus on the problem.  Focus on the solution."  Now, this man was also in a fictional world, but he still makes a really good point.  I've spent all these years focusing on problems; so badly to the point that they've overtaken my decision-making in life.  I've suffered from a lack of confidence for too long, and it's time I've found it again.  So I'm making a Five Year Plan.  And listed thus, the traditional goal list:


Actually, I take back that "thus".  I'm going to think on this for a couple of days.  Tomorrow I'm going to get myself up to the admissions office tomorrow for school and give them my "official high school transcript".  And pray to freaking god that my financial aid goes through.  Because otherwise all this effort and such has been for naught.  Which will make me sad.  And further, even less confident.  Sad face.  :(

So what I will be responsible for tomorrow:

1. Taking "Official High School Transcript" to admissions office
2. Taking COMPASS placement test
    2b. Speaking with advisor about my college transcript, in regard to ENG 102
3. Thinking about the Five Year Plan

So when I get up tomorrow, I'll handle the three S's, get myself dressed and head to the school to take a test that will surely make me feel like I'm a contestant on "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?".  Confident?  No.  My last math class was nearly 15 years ago, I don't remember that stuff.  >.<

So I'm off to get a few more ticks  for my monk's enchanting before I go to sleep and hopefully dream mathematically pleasant dreams.